Ellen Elizabeth 1-11-2014

Saturday morning 1-11-14 I had an appt with Rebecca. I was really hoping that Ellen would be born this weekend because Rebecca was going out of town for a week. I had a wonderful back up midwife set up but I really wanted Rebecca to be there. She now has been my midwife for half of my kids pregnancies/births. I didn't really think I would go into labor this day especially since we were moving back to our home in Salt Lake City on this very day.

At 10 am I went for my appointment. Rebecca checked me as I had been having some contractions. I was slightly dilated to a 2 and about 50% effaced and baby was sitting nice and low.
After I left I was having uncomfortable cramping but figured it would pass. I picked up my mom as she was going to help unpack and clean at the house for a few hours. My cramping was not going away so I decided the best thing for me to do would be to set up my room in case this really was our birth day. Lars had gone to get some lunch for everyone and after we had eaten my cramping seemed to have turned into contractions, though somewhat irregular. I couldn't be sure yet if this was it but I certainly hoped. Most of all I was praying that I would know, that I would have enough time to call Rebecca. Lars wanted to run some errands so I told him he could but I was going to hang out at home. He said no way was he leaving my side if there was a possibility I was in labor, I guess missing one birth was enough for him ;)
My mom and my dear friend Kim were working downstairs so I tried to find things to do upstairs but my contractions were making it hard to concentrate since all I could think about was "Is this it? When should I let Rebecca know"
Lars finally came up to check on me again and kept reassuring me that I would know. I asked him how he could say that when last time I only "knew" once baby was making his appearance?! He said maybe we should go do some of the errands but just stay within 10 mins of home. My contractions at this point were close and pretty consistent but short. I finally told him I would text Rebecca and see what she thought.
I told her what was happening and she said she was ready and waiting.
Because of moving there were some of the homebirth supplies that hadn't made it to the new house so Rebecca said she would gather what we needed. About 1/2 an hour later she texted and said she was ready to go. At this point the contractions really had more of a pattern, fairly close (probably 4-5 mins apart) longer and stronger. We were pretty certain today would be the day!
Rebecca got to our house about 3:00pm and starting bringing in supplies and getting everything set up.
My mom and Kim had been downstairs helping unpack, organize, and clean and they decided they would hang out and keep doing that until the baby was born. This was a true lifesaver to me and my family. The kids were running around playing and I was either in my room or walking around the other rooms just allowing my body to work and do what needed to be done. Contractions were consistent and growing in strength. This labor was most like Lilli's with more of a regular pattern and time for us to experience and prepare. I kind of like it this way.
I wasn't in pain, just feeling the strength of the contractions. It's hard to explain but people keep asking since my labor with Sam was so fast. I feel some cramping during contractions and can feel the contracting of my abdomen but there isn't really pain.
When I'm in labor I'm just kind of in the zone during contractions. I rock, I walk, I breathe, I sway, I am still and calm. I don't usually need or want to talk, or to be massaged, or anything like that. I don't really care what is going on around me, I just do my thing. So the kids running around weren't really bothering me, people coming up to check on me didn't bother me, but I just did what I needed even if that meant cutting off a conversation and walking around during a contraction if that is what I felt I needed to do. At any other time my behavior would have been rude ;)
In between contractions I would talk with my midwife and Lars, the kids would come in and see how it was going, and we would listen to the baby's heartbeat.
It was so interesting to note how when we checked we kept having to listen lower and lower as the baby descended getting ready for birth.
It is all so fascinating, how our body and the baby work together to bring about this miraculous event culminating in the birth and first breath of a sweet perfect human being, that moments before was literally connected to you.
At one point I asked my midwife to check my progress. Usually we don't check but I had to know this was real and what kind of progress we were making. I was at a 5 so I was definitely in labor. I finally allowed myself the excitement that comes with knowing you are soon going to meet your sweet baby.
We decided then we would put on a movie. We had hoped for Little Women, which we had started watching when I was in labor with Lilli, but never finished. Unfortunately we couldn't find the disc and so had to choose another movie. Rebecca had never seen High Society, and having stated at one point that she was a lover of musicals, we decided to watch that one.
I alternated between my "labor dancing", as Lars calls it (Swaying, rocking, and walking), and sitting on my bed. Emma came in a few times and we all chatted about the lovely clothes that Grace Kelly wears in the movie.
During this all my family and friends were moving stuff over, settling upsets with my kids, helping Lars, unpacking, and cleaning. It was truly  a blessing to us. Lars was in and out taking care of Sam who was having a bit of a hard time, I think he could sense the changes about to occur. He would dutifully and sweetly come back to check on me often and  make sure we didn't need anything. After 5 previous labors and 17 years of marriage, he knows that I just need to do my thing and will tell him when I need him. Just knowing he was in the house and knowing Sam was getting the love and attention he needed allowed me to be relaxed and to do what I needed to do. It was perfect.
About 3/4 of the way through the movie I decided I wanted to get in the water. Rebecca asked if I wanted my water broken or if I wanted to be checked before I got in. After weighing the pros and cons and my options I decided to get checked and decide about my water then. I was at a 7, which usually means I don't have too long left. The baby was very low, and the water sac was ready to burst. I decided to just have her break it since it was there and ready and then I would get in the tub. Rebecca told me, before she broke it, that it has been shown that when the water is broken in a women in true labor, she will have the baby within 20 minutes to 2 hours. We looked at the clock (it was just about 8 minutes before 7pm) she broke my water and I put on my swim top and hopped in the lovely birthing pool with perfectly warm water. My kids, my mom, my sister, and the Melvilles were all settled watching Frozen downstairs. Lars came up and we turned the movie back on. Soon after getting in the tub my contractions became stronger and closer together, which I expected since I was nearing transition before I got in (transition is when you go from 8-10 cm) I had to concentrate a little more on relaxing but was still able to finish the movie just before I knew she was coming.
Rebecca put cool washcloths on me, made sure I drank some water and just encouraged me. Lars sat close by just being there ready to do whatever I asked.
At some point during the pregnancy Lilli had expressed the desire to be there when the baby was born.
We had talked about how it was a lot of work for mom and the baby, how mom might make noises but I assured her that even though it was hard work I would be fine, I wasn't hurt, and that she could change her mind at anytime. She still wanted to be there so as we got close to pushing Lars went to get her.
I was trying to relax and let her descend gradually but my babies always have their own ideas. I reached down and felt her head crowning. Lars and Lilli sat together and watched. I heard Rebecca encouraging me, I heard Rebecca talking with Lilli and explaining what was happening or what would happen as the baby was born. I don't know exactly what was said but Lilli was amazing, I know that. I could hear her calmly but excitedly saying something. Then the baby's head was out and a couple more pushes and our darling little baby was here. I put the baby close to my heart and leaned back against the tub. Lilli and Lars came around so they could see the baby. Rebecca gave me warm towels and the baby cried her first cry. Our Ellen Elizabeth had joined the family. Lars went to share the news with the downstairs crowd. Lilli started snapping pictures (sadly they aren't very clear as it was pretty low light right then but they were taken with love from a proud big sister)
Once the cord had stopped pulsing and the placenta was delivered I got out, and got some pajamas on and settled onto the bed with the baby while Rebecca checked everything with me and baby and cleaned up. Eventually after time with just me, Lars and the baby, Lars started bringing people up to peek at baby and my sister snapped a few photos. Once everyone had their peeks, Lars put the younger kids to bed while Rebecca did a more thorough check of the baby and I, we weighed the baby and she did all the foot poking and other stuff new baby's need. After declaring us perfect she finished cleaning up, made sure I had plenty to drink and eat, got me Motrin for after-birth cramping, and made sure we were stable.
Once we were declared stable for a few hours Rebecca packed up and headed home, leaving us to snuggle our newest little one and try to sleep a bit.
It's hard to sleep when all you want to do is stare at, snuggle and marvel over this tiny little being.
There is something so special about having a baby at home (though all births are special no matter how you choose to do them, "natural", hosptial, home, c-section, induction, whatever)
But there is a peace that comes with being in your home where you are perfectly comfortable and surrounded by people you love and that love you. It is also wonderful to have the most competent, amazing, midwife anywhere. I know I am safe and in good hands when Rebecca takes care of us, in pregnancy and in birth.
So that is the story of the baby that wants everything done all at once. When I said we should just move in that weekend so she could be born at home, at the home where Sam was also born, I didn't really imagine the baby would kick it into high gear and not actually let me do the moving. :) But like every birth she had her own story to tell, her own way to come here, and it was perfect.

                          Birthday 

                           8 weeks 

6

So we are having another wee baby. (Okay mine come out a pretty good size and not so wee. Maybe this time I'll get a wee little one of 6 or 7 lbs. Emma was 7, 7 is good) :)

We are thrilled to be expecting baby #6! People think we are crazy, which is probably true but has nothing to do with having another baby. But we are excited either way. 

Baby is due to come January sometime. I'm planning on January 12th. No, it's not my due date, it's just the day I have picked. It's my nephew birthday, it's a Sunday (so Lars is sure to be around), and it's not too early but not late either. So yup, January 12th. 

Isn't that how it works? I decide what day and that's when it happens? Hmmm, no you say. Well we shall see. I'm hoping baby's plan and my plan go together. 

My 12 days of Christmas

Well I didn't post more while we were on vacation as my internet signal was sporadic, and I was busy having fun with my family!

We did and saw so much while in LA. It was fun and just nice to spend time together without worrying about other obligations, school, work, etc. I'll do another post, possibly, about the rest of our trip another day, maybe.

As you can imagine we didn't really do presents this year since we were taking a two week vacation but I wanted to do something special for Lars. I thought about the 12 days of Christmas but didn't want to spend a lot, as mentioned before, and I wasn't going to be in my own home for part of the 12 days. Lars loves music so finally I came up with 12 days of christmas in song. (Yeah I know it is a song but this is a little different.)

I came up with a theme for each day and then found songs to go with that theme. 1 song for day 1, 2 for day 2 and so on. Then each day I emailed that days theme and song to him. He LOVED it. It combined two of the things he loves the most, music and me not spending money on him (though admittedly I spent a few dollars on some new songs for this) It wasn't as easy as you might think though as Lars is extremely picky with music. He like classical, real jazz (I'm talking Louis Armstrong, Count Basie, and the like) some oldies (50's and 60's) musicals and then some stuff from when we were kids, and a little, very tiny, bit of current stuff.

This is what I came up with in case anyone is curious:

12 reasons I love you so

Day 1- You work so hard for our family 
            Heigh-ho- Louis Armstrong
Day 2- You think I'm beautiful no matter what
            Just kiss me- Harry Connick Jr
            The way you look tonight- Frank Sinatra
Day 3- You're just so darn cute
             He's so fine- The Chiffons
             Da doo ron ron- The Crystals
             Tonight I met an angel- The Chiffons
Day 4- You like to be with me 
             Close to you- Harry Connick Jr
             Cuddle up a little closer-Hossier Hot Shots
             I wanna hold your hand-The Beatles
Day 5- You love me no matter what
             So in love- Ella Fitzgerald
             Somebody love me- Ella Fitzgerald
             Love somebody- Doris Day & Buddy Clark
             I'll string along with you- Doris Day & Buddy Clark
             Love me do- The Beatles
Day 6- You make me weak in the knees
             Natural woman- Aretha Franklin
             Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
             If I were a bell- Ella Fitzgerald
             Dizzy- Tommy Roe
             Then he kissed me-The Crystals
             Turn me on- Norah Jones
Day 7- We get each other in ways no one else ever could
             Better together- Jack Johnson
             I could write a book-Harry Connick Jr
             You were meant for me-The Capitolians
             Feels like home- Thantal Kreviazuk
             We belong together- Randy Newman
             Wink and a smile-Harry Connick Jr
             It had to be you- Harry Connick Jr
Day 8- I like you and you like me
            A bushel and a peck-Doris Day
            I get a kick out of you-Louis Armstrong
            People will say we're in love-Ella Fitzgerald
            Isn't this a lovely day- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
            Goin' to the dance with you- Kristen Chenoweth
            I'm happy just to dance with you- The Beatles
            Day is Done- John Prine
            We're going to be friends-Jack Johnson
Day 9- You always say nice things about me
             On the street where you live- Harry Connick Jr
             All shook up- Elvis Presley
             The boy from Ipanema-Ella Fitzgerald
             Fever-Ella Fitzgerald
             Sugar Sugar- The Archies
             Michelle- The Beatles
             Pretty Woman- Roy Orbison
             Jeepers Creepers- Louis Armstrong
             And I love her- The Beatles
Day 10- You are sweet to me
              Honeysuckle Rose- Ella Fitzgerald
              That's Amore- Dean Martin
              Pretty little Angel Eyes- Curtis Lee
              8 Days a week- The Beatles
              When you were sweet 16- Mills Brothers
              I feel Fine- The Beatles
              Love me Tender- Norah Jones
              Tenderly- Ella Fitzgerald
              Cheek to Cheek- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
              Sweet Pea- Amos Lee
Day 11- You try to give me the world
              If I had the world to give- Grateful Dead
              I can't give you anything but love- Louis Armstrong
              If I could give you more- Harry Connick Jr
              All you need is love- The Beatles
              The Five Pennies- Danny Kaye
              Who wants to be a millionaire- Frank Sinatra
              When you wish upon a star- Louis Armstrong
              Twelve days of Christmas- Vocal Majority
              Come fly with me- Frank Sinatra
Day 12- You give me a fine romance
               A fine romance- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
               I never knew- The Chiefs of Staff
               Our love is here to stay- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
               Heart and Soul- Ella Fitzgerald
               Be my life's companion- Mills brothers
               I will- The Beatles
               I only have eyes for you- Harry Connick Jr
               Happy together- The Turtles
               Make someone happy- Jimmy Durante
               A kiss to build a dream on- Louis Armstrong
               Married Life-Micael Giacchino (from the movie up)

He said it was the best gift he'd ever had and he was going to be sad when it stopped so I've decided to continue with a song a day (and just one song, could you imagine multiplying it each day to match the day of the year-YIKES) Anyhow, hopefully he enjoys it. I had fun doing this, though it was hard to find songs he would like to match the theme of the day (And a couple of them are a stretch as far as him LOVING them goes but they are ones he would like okay at least)

So that was my cheap yet appreciated gift for my sweetie this year. Any other ideas for cheap/free gifts? Any ideas for different songs I could have used for any given day? Did you do anything fun or creative for Christmas this year?

Family vacation

For Christmas this year we decided to take a family vacation. We have annual passes to Disneyland this year so naturally we decided that is where our trip would be. At first it was just going to be a week at Disneyland but then a good friend that lives in Burbank called us and said they would be on Utah for the whole of Christmas break and would we want to use their house an watch their cat in Burbank since we were going to be in the vicinity anyhow. It was an answer to our prayers. It gave us the ability to take the whole two weeks and spend it as a family in Southern California. Our tickets aren't good for the week of Christmas since we didn't want to pay the extra for no blockout dates but that was okay with us as we had never done anything in SoCal but Disneyland.
So here we are enjoying comparatively warm weather and seeing many sights in LA and surrounding areas.

Day one-

We arrived in Burbank about 1 in the morning and promptly fell into bed as slept until 10 or so in the morning. Then we headed up to Solvang, taking time to drive through Santa Barbara on our way. Solvang is a little Danish town and seeing as Lars is Danish, and by natural design my kids are too :) So we decided to take the 2 hour trip up to see it. It was fun though we felt we didn't have enough time to do it justice. The drive up there was gorgeous though and worth every second of those two hours.

It's a lot of family togetherness so there is plenty of squabbles and complaining but there is also plenty of laughs, wonder, an memories being made.

I'll post more tomorrow!

Good in the world- 2

Seeing as it's Christmas time as well as because of the events of the last week I think we need, or at least I need, another Good in the world post. So despite the fact that bad things happen, and so often to such very good and innocent people, I think there is evidence of good as well. It doesn't take much. I think it's so easy to focus on the bad and to ask "Where is God when these bad things happen?" I know that God has given us each the ability to make our own choices and he will not interfere with this sacred gift. Sometimes he will whisper words of warning to us that may help to keep us out of harms way, but he won't always do that. We are here in the life, on this earth, to experience things, to experience life and as much as I want it to be all rainbows and butterflies it isn't, and can't be. That is what heaven is for, right? At any rate, God not only whispers words of warning to us in times of danger he will whisper words of encouragement, words of hope, and words of happiness. He often nudges us to help others with these words. And no, we don't usually hear these things with our ears, nor voices in our head, its just a thought or a feeling, "I should call so-and-so today." or "I wonder if ---- needs some dinner brought over or a treat" Why do we feel these things at times? Because we are here to spread all the good we can, so look around and watch for the good happening around you, and even better be a part of it. Look for the good you can do, "listen" for the thoughts you have to help others even if it is as simple as a phone call or text. Here are some of my observations of good lately.

My Grandpa. This guy is a constant giver and helper to those around him and I have been lucky enough to be the recipient of his help more times than I can count, both as a child and as an adult. He has a quick and cheerful smile, he would give you the shirt off his back (and I don't doubt that he may have actually done that at some point in his life) He loves kids and always manages to make everyone around him feel young again, because he has such a jolly, youthful spirit about him. He has canned peaches with me, helped us remodel our home, given kids rides to and from places, and gone on trips and activities with us. We love to have him around and are so blessed that he has been able to do so much with us.

Sunsets. I know, it isn't much. The wonderful thing about sunsets is that it is easily accessible. It is there no matter where you live or what may be going on around you. It is a beauty that is shared with all the world. There is something so serene about sunsets. It just makes you stop, if for just a moment, and soak in the beauty, I think that is so good for the soul. Visual beauty does that. To me sunsets are a good in this world.

People helping other people. I don't have a picture of those that helped but good friends of ours that are always there when we need help took at day to help us when this big pine tree blew over in a windstorm. They have been there countless times before when we have needed help. People that are willing to set aside their own needs and to-do lists to help are such a good in this world.
Here is an article of a kid that does this on a regular basis. We could all learn a little from him.

Then there is someone out there who is doing the 12 days of Christmas for our sweet friends. It is such a blessing for them as they have 5 cute girls and work hard just to make ends meet. They also do much to spread happiness to others around them so I'm so happy to see them being recipients of that kind of goodness too. 

Babies. As always babies are just such a breath of fresh air. Their innocence reminds us to be better, their helplessness teaches us to be less selfish, their smiles and milestones remind us to take joy in the simple things of life. 

Family 

Snuggles (and naps!) 

               Friendships 

 

 

       A sense of humor and Silliness

Random and small sightings of beauty

It doesn't have to be a big thing, a grand act, or cost anything. There is good in the world, just look for it and you will find something. 

Please Christmas don't be late

Christmas, Christmas time is here!!!!! Can you believe it is in just one week?! Obviously I can't. We get to leave for California in just a few days and can't wait to spend Christmas in California and to, of course, GO TO DISNEYLAND! This trip, however, we are spending the first week checking out the other local tourist sites, which I'm not sure actually exist, I mean is there really anything but Disneyland in California, I don't think so, I'm pretty sure it's a myth, like Bigfoot. BUT if it does exist, life beyond Disneyland, not Bigfoot, then we will have some good times indeed. We tried to convince grandpa to come with us but he has chosen to help hold the fort down at home, which I'm sure the cat appreciates.

Really though, how can it be a week till Christmas? Just a couple weeks from 2013. I'm not going to wax poetic or get all sappy but seriously, where has time gone and how do I rewind just a bit to enjoy some of those moments I rushed through? Okay that's it that's my "time is going to fast" bit for this post, I know it is a common theme for me, I guess I'm getting old(er) or something. Actually I just realized that I need to get Oscar a drivers handbook so he can get his permit and get his 40 hours of driving time in. Wow, things have changed since I got my license, or did I just have a different experience than many people. I got my permit the day I was allowed, I drove as much as possible, then the day I turned 16 I went and took my driving test and that was it, I was a licensed driver. (And yes the thought of my kids doing it that way freaks me out like not many thoughts can! Really that was it?! What were people thinking?)

We are all excited that Santa gets to visit us in California instead of Utah this Christmas though Lilli is a little sad we won't have snow. She was actually shocked to learn it doesn't snow in Disneyland…EVER!
"What?? Not even on Christmas Eve or Christmas day? How is that possible?" She incredulously asked not wanting to believe this could be true. Alas it is, and probably the very reason so many people flock to southern California.  So she has declared we must go build a sandman on Christmas since we can't build a snowman, I'll let you all know how it goes. :)

Okay now I have some recommendations;
1) Check out my food blog because I actually post to that fairly regularly so if you are looking for some good recipes that's a good stop because that is one of my loves, cooking.
AND
2) I have a few books that I've read lately that I love.

• The Girl of the Limberlost- by Gene Stratton Porter
• Freckles- by Gene Stratton Porter
• The hiding place- by Corrie Ten Boom, Elizabeth Sherrill, John Sherrill
• NurtureShock- by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (Non-fiction)
• Quiet: The power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking- by Susan Cain (Non-fiction)
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerers stone (For the 50th or so time)
• Little women (For the 1000th or so time)

That's about it for now. We are all merry and bright here, other than the occasional cold or stomach bug that seem to be a part of winter. I'll write up a new years post with a more detailed update on our crew after my vacation! Merry Christmas all!

Fall

I love fall! It is truly the best season. The weather cools down, nights are crisp, you can don all those sweaters that have been waiting in the closet. I love the decor, the leaves changing, the mountains ablaze with color, but mostly I love the smells. I can smell the "campfire" smell as people begin to use their fireplaces. There is cinnamon everywhere. And i begin to bake fall treats. Gingersnaps, pumpkin bread, pies, hot chocolate. In Denmark there is a word that doesn't really translate, it describes almost a feeling and it is hard to describe but it is how fall makes me feel. Hygge. It is coziness, and home, and feeling secure and happy. Everyone has their own way to describe it, but to me it is fall. It is how I feel when I'm home with my family drinking hot chocolate, watching Charlie Brown's halloween special. It is making christmas treats with my kids, and writing christmas lists. It isn't just fall but when I think of fall I think of hygge.

October 1st is a great day because it is when I feel like fall really begins, we can get out our decorations, start thinking about the holidays, and plan our christmas. I force myself not to break out my christmas music yet, I let the anticipation build a little longer so I can truly savor my favorite music. November 1st is when I pull it out, too soon for many but just right for me.

So this is a short and sweet post but I am a happy girl, and though I say I wish fall would last all year I know I wouldn't love it quite as much if it did, it wouldn't be the same, there would be nothing to look forward to. It is, however, far too short. (But like most short things the happiness it brings makes up for the lack of size or amount of time, just look at me) :D

There is good in the world

There are days where you feel like this world is rotten. Days where you see all the horrible news, mean comments, smog and filth, and all the other negative that is out there. You think that all hope is lost.

Then you snap out of it, this funk that enveloped you. You take a breath, look around, and start to see the good. Sometimes it is just little things, and then you start to see more and more. You take another deep breath, this time a little slower, and let it out with a satisfied "Ahhhhh" There is good in the world.


Like this

This little guy was born today. He was born to a wonderful family, one of my favorites. He is perfect, and adorable, and sweet. I'm so happy for him, to be born into a great family, I'm so happy for his family, to have been blessed with a sweet adorable boy, I'm happy for me, that I got to hold him and soak up his sweet presence. 

Like my darling friend who works hard to bring some happiness to some kids that are facing challenges I don't even want to imagine. She is amazing and selfless. She brings and is good in this world. Check it out here and here.

2 friends came to the hospital today when I had to take my Grandpa, to give him a blessing. (A special prayer) It was so kind and lifted his spirits so much. I had to hold back tears knowing that people love Grandpa so much that they will leave their families for a few minutes, at 11:30 at night no less, to help him out. I love having these good people in our lives and count them as family. 

I'm looking forward to this event, the theme of which just happens to be "Seek the Good". Perfect. I can't wait for TOFW to be able to sit and soak up all the uplifting words, music, and gentle spirits of those that present and attend. Happily I'm on the team this year to help spread the word. Get ahold of me if you do want more info. It really is a great event that will lift your spirits for a long time after. My daughter gets to attend the girls version, TOFG, while I'm at the event for women. I'm so grateful for all the hard work that goes into putting on this amazing event. It is put on by a good company, and pulled together by amazing women. I can't wait to hear about more good in the world at this event. 

Like my kids. They are the best good in this world to me. They bring me joy daily, though we have our not so good moments too, they are amazing kids and each bring something precious to my life. 

Like my husband. He works incredibly hard for our family, both at work and at home. He tells me numerous times a day that he loves me and that he thinks I'm wonderful. We have had, and will have, our ups and downs but we laugh together, he holds me when I cry, and we think the same stupid things are funny. That's love.

So I'm snapping out of my funk and choosing to see the good in this world. I am making a goal to find one good thing everyday for a month to remind myself of the good that is out there.  I'm seeking the good and I plan to find it.

What have you seen that is good lately? 

Misplaced sorrow

As I wrote the title of this post it struck me as kind of funny. Usually when we see the word "misplaced" it is referring to an object that is lost. "I misplaced my book" or the like.
With misplaced feelings it really means what it implies; to apply a feeling to the wrong person, idea, or situation. I wish I could misplace my feelings in the other sense sometimes; if I could just "lose" my anxiety, anger, or sadness that would be convenient at times.
In this case I was feeling sorry for myself for the wrong thing. Let me first just say, I had a bout of anxiety tonight and couldn't sleep after, so this post may or may not make sense. So here it goes, for now, it may be edited later.

Tonight we had a get together with Lars' high school friends. When Lars and I were dating, and in the earlier years of marriage, I didn't always feel comfortable or really a part of the group. I felt like an intruder or someone on the outside looking in; I felt displaced. That was hard for me, I've always been able to integrate myself in most any group easily. It wasn't that anyone was unkind or ever did anything to purposely make me feel that way, in fact we were quite close with one of the couples and everyone else was always kind. It came a lot from my own insecurities, from often being on the outside of reminiscing, and from really feeling quite homeless after transplanting from a different state and leaving my family behind.
Over the years I have felt more a part of the group, usually. I have also grown as an individual, as well as Lars and I growing as a couple and family and becoming "The Andersen's" and not just Lars' family.
So now you have some backstory, and like I said, tonight we had a get together with them. Most everyone finished having kids about 5 years ago, just as we thought we were done... before Sam let us know he wanted to be part of our family. Because of this they can easily chat and visit while the kids wander and play, without too many interruptions. Lars and I have a baby, a toddler really. That means at least one of us has to be up following him, helping him, or just generally keeping him safe. It is really a 24/7 job with some naps thrown in. :) So while everyone visited I chased Sam, who really is an amazing ball of energy, he does not sit still too often, and if he does it doesn't last long. At some point in the evening I started to feel sorry for myself, Lars did take turns following Sam but often Sam just wanted mama. I felt sad that I was missing out on the conversations, sad that I was left out, through no ones fault, but left out nonetheless. I was a little put out that they had all seemingly forgotten what it was like to have a baby/toddler.
Late tonight as I lay in bed with Sam as he was falling asleep I realized...I would be more sorry if I missed out on those moments with my baby. I'll have many many years of friend gathering, but just a few short years of my baby being little. It won't be long before he, like my other kids and all the other kids at the gathering, is off playing happily and safely on his own. He won't need more than occasional checking on, and even that doesn't last forever. So I'm choosing to cherish the moments, and few short years, I have to chase, wander with, and play with my baby. I love talking and sharing ideas and thoughts with other adults, but to everything there is a season. Right now is the very short season of my last baby's toddlerhood. I won't be sorry I was present and attentive during this time, I would, however, be sorry if I missed it.

What I should be doing

Can anyone relate? It's late at night, I have a hundred things I should be doing but I'm just wiped out. I had a kid throwing up today, a baby that sensed that he might be playing second fiddle for the day so he wanted to be held all day, and so consequently, I got nothing done, seriously nothing.
Piles of laundry are waiting to be put away, the kitchen really needs to be tidied up, I have paperwork/bills I need to take care of, and I just want to crawl in bed and sleep until morning. Instead I'm snuggling a baby that doesn't want to go down; you know, the half sleep where they only want to sleep if they are in your arms. And so I blog, because I can do that much.

Someday I will sleep through the night, someday I'll sit through all of church and actually be able to tell you what they talked about, and someday I really will miss all this. I know that, you know that, even the old ladies at the grocery store know that. :) That doesn't make it any easier, just reminds me that it is all worth it.
Yeah, I know I write about this a lot. But I'm a mom, I have a baby and I have 15 year old, plus the in betweens. I look at my baby and I look at my 15 year old and I know that my baby will be that big too before I can blink. Sure I have lots of long hard days ahead of me, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. And I'd really like to pause these moments where my sleeping baby is laying on my chest, content as can be. And despite all the undone things around the house, I'm pretty darn content too.

A child's view, and a mother's view too

We have some friends that just moved from their current house to another one about 10 blocks away. Upon hearing of the move of her cute friend in the family she looked up at me quite worried and upset.

"What?! They moved? Oh no!! Will I still see June?"
"Yes, of course" I replied, "The house is pretty close to the old one."
She makes of face of derision and confusion and wonders out loud "Why in the world would they move just to the next door house?"
I try not to laugh at her sweet innocence and how the world is so small to her that close must mean next door since far would mean all the way to Salt Lake City or if someone gets really brave, maybe Disneyland.
"Not quite that close" I reply finally
Relief floods over her face "Oh, well, ok then. I want to play with her soon."

Now I remember why I keep having kids, moments like these lighten your heart and remove any callousness or cynicism you start to develop as an adult interacting with a world that can seem callous or cynical. We need childlike bursts of innocence, emotion, and enthusiasm in our lives.

Yes I know that many moments, and even days, seem hard and long when you have a houseful of kids, but as I've said before, one good moment can wipe out a hundred hard ones. I read a quote recently and it sums up parenthood perfectly..."The days are long but the years are short"
Sure sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done, but parenthood is a tough gig. When you are dealing with tantrums, picky palates, being pulled in 10 different directions there are days where it feels like bedtime will never come, for the kids or you. Then all of a sudden your baby is turning 15 and you fumble as you try to grasp back those years, if only for a moment. Believe me, it was no picnic when my oldest was a toddler, but I have a million moments that I look back on that warm my heart until it feels as though it is truly growing 3 sizes. (Grinch reference)
It is the bittersweet reminiscing that allows you to feel happiness in their growth and the life they have ahead of them, but the loss of innocence, childhood, and being able to keep your little ones close to you. But time trudges on no matter how much you pull at the hands of time trying to slow it down or turn back the years, and you have to keep finding joy in the moments, cause teenage-hood ain't no picnic either, at least not every second. Still there are still many many moments that warm my heart and I have to cherish those because it won't be too long before my sweet kiddos start to fly the coop and make nests of their own. In the meantime we live day to day, experiencing the frustrations, heartaches, happiness, and fun of having a family full of teenagers, toddlers, and everything in between. And each night I think back on the day and find at least one heartwarming moment or peek in on my sleeping kids because when they are asleep all innocence creeps back over their faces and they are angels in my eyes.

Back

I'm back. I just can't go without writing. I tried and have been itching to start again. So I'm back. That's it for now. Expect more...a lot more. :)

February and a long winter

Well I did pretty good in January at blogging. I started out with a goal to blog daily, and I was doing it at the beginning. Then I started to wonder why, why blog daily? I haven't come up with an answer yet so I will try to blog often but not necessarily daily.

Here it is, February. The month of love. As happens this time of year, nothing is really happening. It is winter blah time. And we were quite sad the groundhog did indeed see his shadow . :)
Even though it has been a mild winter, so far, it still isn't spring and we don't like that. I really want to start my garden and sit outside while the kids play, and BBQ. I want to not bundle up Sam when we leave the house. I have got to learn to like winter though. I am, in all likelihood, going to live in Utah forever and so I should enjoy it. I will try to find 1 thing I love about Utah in the winter for each day left in February. We'll see how it goes.

Getting back in touch with life

For the last couple years I have fallen into the habit of texting and keeping up with friends on Facebook instead of in person or by phone. It is very convenient and easy to fit in with other tasks. The problem is that even though I have been in touch I still feel like I have been falling out of touch a little. Quick texting conversations have their place. To confirm appointments, send a quick thought or joke, or let someone know you are thinking about them. Something is lost, however, when you replace face to face and phone conversations with texting and social media rather than using it as a supplement or aid.
So I made a vow to myself that I would reach out more to the people in my life. What are we here for, what are we living for, if we shun human contact for brief contact through distant computers that can never quite convey the feeling and warmth you can gain from the sound of a voice or a single look.
So far I have reconnected with an old friend both in person and on the phone. Several times when I have thought of texting someone to say hi I have called them instead, and I feel more alive and happy for it. That isn't to say that I will no longer text, email, or Facebook, not to mention blogging, but I will make an effort to find more balance. I also hope to use those tools to connect more with those that are far from me. There are so many ways to keep in touch with those I love, so I hope to embrace it all and fill my life with love, laughter, friends, and family.

Snowy slip and slide

400 N in Bountiful UT
Saturday January 21, 2012

Saturday Lars and I had planned on fixing a part of our fence that had blown over during the big windstorm in December. It was cold and rainy but we had the supplies and it needed to be done. So we set to work and worked until we were soaked and Sam had woken up from his nap at which point we decided to go inside, drink some hot chocolate, and warm up a bit. Once we had done that and Sam was settled, playing happily with Emma and Lilli, we went back outside to find a winter wonderland. We also found cars lining the streets, we have a corner home, and many accidents, both in progress and already happened. Our street had truly become a snowy slip and slide and many people were still trying to navigate it, despite the accidents on the street. Now I must say in their defense, before you come around the corner near our house you can't really see what is going on on the rest of the hill. They probably were quite surprised to see cars lined up along the streets, cars in yards, and people waving and yelling not to go down the hill. Unfortunately at that point it was probably already to late, you put on the brakes and begin your decent against your will. Thankfully people were finally able to get high up enough on the hill and low enough down to stop more traffic from coming up or down the hill. The severity of the situation can be viewed on this youtube video taken by someone 2 streets down from us. It was almost comical at first but then people helping those that had crashed or slid into yards and curbs were nearly run down but out of control cars. 

The snowplow was even having a difficult time making the climb up the hill. We watched wondering how this would play out. Finally after several failed attempts the snowplow began to turn around. Was he abandoning our street as a hopeless cause? And then he began to go up the street backwards, allowing the salt that shoots out the back of the truck to lay down traction up the hill instead of down. Another snowplow arrived on the scene and suddenly they were working together, one going backwards and one facing forward pushing the other along just to lay down that salt and make the road passable even for them. It was quite a scene and I am so sad we didn't get it on video. There were cheers and clapping on the street as the snowplow turned around at the top and finally cleared a path down the hill. Everyone waited, watching, as the snowplows made a couple of passes up and down the hill and finally the road was once again safe to drive on. There was, of course, clean up of the cars that couldn't be driven but everyone waiting was able to safely drive up or down the street. 

And then Lars and I finished the fence and drank more hot chocolate. It was quite a snow day. 

Fashion or clown

We are all familiar with the smokey eye look.

http://www.thebeautyinsiders.com/smokey-eyes-make-up-quickly.html

Well when I was waiting for my haircut yesterday I was flipping through one of the magazines they had out and came upon this, ummmm beauty.

As seen in an issue of Beauty magazine.

It is supposed to be the smokey eye but bright and fresh. I think it says "I'm dressing up as a clown" or "I've been in a fight with a clown"
Can someone really do this and think "Wow, I look smokin'"?! Sadly due to the power of advertising and media some poor girls and women will think just that. If they saw it on a woman walking around they would think it is ridiculous, put it on a model in a magazine and it becomes high fashion.
So, no more hiding those black eyes or dark circles under our eyes, from now on highlight and accentuate them! Makes life so much easier. (especially for us sleep deprived moms) Ü

January

January always seems to be synonymous with sickness at our house. I can't think of one January without at least 2 people being sick in our home. Nothing serious, just annoying viruses. Colds, stomach bugs, unexplained fevers.
This year is no exception. Emma had had a fever of about 102 degrees the last two days. She seems to be on the mend today but I'm on the watch for the next person. Thankfully, I don't get the illnesses myself, I'm too busy taking care of everyone else. When I get sick it's not good, nothing really gets done and I can't relax for thinking of everything I need to be doing.
All I can say is, thank goodness this January seems to be going a lot faster than last January, probably due in part to the fact that I have a baby this year and last year I was pregnant. Both of those events come with their own time warps. With pregnancy time slows way down, with a baby it's kicks into hyper-drive.
And seeing as its January and we are barreling towards February, I will be posting my annual tax post. Tax season is upon us!

Just for fun here is a picture of me and my new haircut. It was time for a change, my hair was too long and I didn't have time to dry, straighten, or whatever. With my thick hair, especially when it is long, it takes over 1/2 an hour to blow-dry. So this will be a nice change.

New addictions and fun surprises

I have a new addiction...Instagram. It is an iPhone app. It is kinda of a cross between blogging and Pinterest. It is a quick and easy way to post pictures of what you are doing or things you see. It has the ease of pinterest with the personal touch of blogging. I love it.

And speaking of pictures check out the beauty below. When we moved into the new house there was this ugly carpet downstairs but we figured it would do for now. But Lars pulled it back and found this fantastic old floor underneath. It was a great surprise, especially since so often during remodels the surprises are not fun and generally expensive. Yay for fun surprises!

A sense of accomplishment

When you have a baby sometimes it is hard to feel like you have accomplished anything, or to actually accomplish something. The day is filled with keeping the baby safe and yet providing them with a stimulating environment so they can learn the things they need to. It is amazing how much learning is crammed into our first two years of life. Not the point though. The point is that with a mobile baby the days are full of watching, teaching, and playing. (Which is wonderful, don't get me wrong) For some reason though my family also wants clean clothes, dinner, rides, etc. There is also my list of to-dos and projects needing to be done beyond the dishes and laundry. And we come to the point, it is often hard to feel like I've accomplished anything beyond the baby stuff. I know this stage ends and with him being my 5th I'm in no rush for him to grow up BUT today I actually did get to check something off my to-do list! Yay, it feels good to have one less thing on my list, though somehow 10 things have appeared to take that one tasks place. ;)
We moved into our house 4 months ago now and have had a pile of stuff on our back porch since then. It was mostly the stuff we realized we just don't need or want. It has been accumulating and each weekend we promise ourselves we'll take it to DI, a thrift shop, and yet it has sat, and worse, grown. Well my porch is no longer the embarrassment of the neighborhood! Yay!
So tonight I celebrate this one small accomplishment, tomorrow I will enjoy my baby and family.

He is so fluffy I am gonna die

Ummmm, yup, we got a new bunny. Okay, I swore I wasn't getting any new pets anytime soon but, well...look at that guy! He is huge and sweet and cuddly. We didn't go seeking him but when Lars called and told me about him I may have kinda told him not to come home without the rabbit.
His name is Chunky , following with our pet name theme thus far. In the past Chewy (still with us) Crunchy, Crispy, Carmel, Butterscotch, Licorice, Hershey, Furry Curry, Oreo, and Peanut Butter. And really, there is no other name that fits this chubby, fluffy, HUGE bunny as well as Chunky. (aka Chunk and Chunky Monkey)
He is about as big as Sam is right now, if not slightly bigger. As previously stated, he is the sweetest most cuddly thing. I'll get a picture of him laying in my arms on his back, almost comatose.
So the Andersen bunny haven is back in business apparently, and my Saturday this week will be taken making an outside pen where he can romp in the "wild".