A fine romance

I posted about my scandalous affair once (with food) but have I told you about my fine romance?

He's a goofball and I love him! 

Love...True love...

Marriage, it is an amazing crazy thing. And I think our society has an odd view of love and marriage. We kind of think about it all backwards. You have your ups and downs in a marriage. You have your good and your bad. How can you not, you are dealing with two flawed human beings, meshing their lives, thoughts, and actions. It is not going to be perfect. It can, however, be happy, even with the bad. You have to be unselfish, forgiving, and willing to overlook their imperfections as they overlook yours. 

I often think about arranged marriages. I have talked to people that have personally dealt with arranged marriages. In fact I was talking with a friend the other day and she related a story to me. Her friend's parents had an arranged marriage. So she asked her friend "But do your parents love each other?" Her friend replied "Of course they do!" 

It is like the song in Fiddler on the Roof. "Do you love me" He asks her, "Do you love me" Her reply is that after everything they've been through, how she has worked with him, been with him through the good and the bad, raised kids together, lived together, how can he ask. She says "If that's not love, what is?" And that is true love. It is unselfish and forgiving. Both people have to be willing to be unselfish and forgiving, and obviously if forgiveness is needed then you aren't going to be perfect at the unselfish part, but you love each other and want to make it work. 

What I've found is this...Lars is wonderful. He can drive me crazy, make me laugh, make me cry (not on purpose, don't get the wrong idea) As I've said before though, he "gets me" in a way no one else can. I can't imagine anyone else understanding me the way he does. And he is so forgiving of my flaws and mistakes. I have thought about the "What ifs". What if something happened to him? Would I remarry? (This is something you talk about when you are married.) What would I do? The truth is I have a hard time seeing it. I simply cannot imagine myself with anyone else, no matter how crazy he makes me ;)

I was young when we got married, and young when we started having kids. I wouldn't change a thing though. I knew I wanted to marry this man. I knew I wanted to spend forever with him, my life and beyond. Still do. 

It isn't always easy though, marriage. It is always worth it to choose to work it out, when both of you are of that same mind; to make the marriage happy. To make each other happy. You may not always succeed short-term, you will make mistakes but overall you can make a happy marriage. 

The fact that we are friends, as well as husband & wife, helps. Makes it even more worth it. The fact that every time we go through a hard or bad time, we talk it out and help each other, and we come through stronger, that makes it worth it too. Every time it seems we take a step back we take leaps and bounds ahead to make up for it. And when he looks at me, he doesn't see the over-tired, over-weight mom of 4. He sees me, the real me. He thinks I am beautiful and wonderful still. That is true love. And I feel the same way about him. He is handsome, sweet, and cute. Always will be. 

We laugh, love, grumble, mumble, and grow together. Through it all there is an underlying foundation of love and friendship. That is what true love and marriage are about. And every time he does something sweet with the kids, like snuggling them in bed, reading them a story, or helping them patiently with homework, it melts my heart. When he comes in the kitchen at dinner time and asks what he can do to help, it makes me weak in the knees. And when he asks me, still after almost 14 years together, if I'll go on a date with him on Friday, it gives me butterflies in my stomach. That right there is true love. 

And all of that is what makes a fine romance. 

OSCAR & M-I-C-K-E-Y...

M-O-U-S-E

I'm so glad the cake turned out good! Lars actually helped me decorate this one!
The black frosting was awesome because it turns your teeth and tongue a purplish black color.
 (I ate the peach part)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OSCAR!

"No, no! I'm 13 now, I think I can blow out my own candles!"

OR CAN HE 

Can't believe he is 13 now!

We did have some fun with him yesterday...

He thought it was pretty funny too!

He is a great kid and we love him! 

The painting Emma made for Oscar. I think it is pretty awesome.

More presents!
Birthdays are great that way ;)

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY OSCAR!

13 is great! WE LOVE YOU!

Beyond the ordinary

We were invited to a BBQ at some friends and I brought dessert. I wanted to try something different. THIS is what I made...

Caramel Chocolate Banana Cream Pie
with something like a banana bread crust! YUM!

I know! Amazing right? It's okay to drool a little ;)

The crust was amazing, I would change it a little if I make this again (Which I know I will) but the taste was fantastic.

The custard was so so, I think I would use one of my other custard recipes next time. But the caramel and chocolate sauce were AmAzInG!

13 - Entering the realm of teenage life

My firstborn is turning 13 this Sunday. 13 years! Wow, I can't believe that much time has passed. I was so happy the moment I found out I was pregnant. The first time I held him in my arms solidified the love that had been growing for 9 months. He was an easy baby, not such an easy toddler/preschooler, but always full of fun and life! He was a fun toddler but the fact that he is full of life made it so that he was just more of everything. More fun, more creative, and...yes, even more of a handful. ;)

He has his struggles, like everyone else, but he is an awesome kid. He is smart and such a talented artist. I'm sure he'll read this at some point and be embarrassed, but that is my right as a mother. He is kind to those around him (though there are times when his siblings might disagree) makes friends easily and is just generally happy. I am so happy that he is my son! 

So the teenage years are upon us now. I know how to be a mom to young kids and screaming toddlers are a piece of cake to me, but I'm not sure how to be a mom to teenagers. This will be an emotional adventure for both of us. Come what may and love it, right?! I am excited about so many things, but I will take a minute to lament the passing of the childhood years for one of my kids. He is no longer a little kid (of course I knew that when one day I looked over and realized he had shot up and is taller than me)

I do love this kid and can't wait to see what great things he does in this life (and I will be there when the crappy things happen too) 

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY OSCAR!!!

Great-Grandpa Oscar and Oscar

SUCH a cute baby! (About 9 months)

All boy! Checking out a worm on a rainy day.

Oscar and Heather (About 3 years old)

Oscar and Bonnie (Distant cousin from Denmark)

Baptism day. He is such a cute guy!

Pizza party (10th birthday)

Halloween 2007 (He was an artist)

Such a sweet brother to his baby sister

Brothers- you play, you fight, you're friends for life.

Christmas 2009 (Rockin' the shaggy hair)

First day of school 2010 (7th grade for Oscar!!)

First day(s) of school

So even though all the kids started schools on different days I had to take a picture of them all together getting ready to head off to school. They are so cute!

I love these kids! They really are great kids!

What's up

We had a busy weekend. Last week I tried to get an exterminator over to my Grandpa's apartment. We had found out he had a bed bug infestation. Apparently it is becoming quite an epidemic in the USA because they had outlawed some chemical in mattresses that killed bed bugs and now we get to deal with the bed bugs instead of the chemical. Read this article if you are curious about this.
ANYHOW, we had found out that this is what was causing the "mosquito" bites we thought the kids were getting when they would visit Gramps. Then my cousin visited again and we found out he'd had a bed bug problem right before he had visited last time. We checked it out and sure enough...Yuck...a big problem at Gramps.
So we called the exterminator, after finally convincing Grandpa that he couldn't take of this problem himself. The exterminator basically said Gramps would have to toss most of his furniture and clear things out before the apartment could be sprayed. After some discussion Grandpa just decided to move into our spare room, for now at least. I think he would like his own place but he wasn't very happy at his apartment anywho, the landlord was planning on raising the rent quite a bit. So grandpa will either live with us from now on, which we couldn't be happier about, or we will find him a new apartment. The weekend, however, was used cleaning out the apartment and getting our house ready, and working hard to make sure no bugs got transferred to our house. (Did I say YUCK yet? YUCK!)
In the midst of moving beds around Emma decided she wanted to bunk with her little sister, which works for us because that means we still have a, sort of, spare room. It has their toys/stuff in it but space for people to bunk if they visit.

We got it mostly taken care of and now I get to get the kids ready for school tomorrow so they will be ready on Tuesday and Wednesday when they start. (2 different schools) It will be interesting this year because Lilli's preschool starts at 8:10, Henry and Emma start at 8:25, and Oscar starts at 8:45. It will be a challenge to make sure they all make it on time. Mornings will be crazy but once I get home I will have a couple hours to get things done until it is time to pick up Lilli. It will be nice to clean house without feeling like I am ignoring Lilli. She is LOVING preschool and I am adjusting to her being so big. ;)

Now we get to adjust to having another person in the house. The biggest challenge will be dinners. Grandpa isn't any pickier than we are just picky in different ways. Meshing our likes and dislikes will be interesting. We are willing to compromise though because we love having Grandpa around. He is fun and helpful. I can't repay him for all he has done for me and now my family. Anything I do pales in comparison. We love that guy!

Release your guilt

As women we often feel we must do it all, that if our house is messy or cluttered that we are not doing all we can. That if the kitchen isn't perfectly clean that we are somehow failing as a mother/wife. Now, I will admit that I definitely can leave things undone but I don't always feel completely guilt free about it. I mean, who doesn't like a clean house. It feels good. In the end though when my life is over and I am gone I do not want my kids to say "I loved my Mom but I just wish she spent more time with me, but our house was always spotless." 
Don't get me wrong, I don't think this means that we should completely let our house go. No one wants to live in a garbage dump. It is about prioritizing, about simplifying. I believe that we can all get some basic things done but nothing needs to be perfect. Your bed can be unmade, the kitchen doesn't have to be mopped everyday, and the dust on the baseboards- evidence of a life lived.


Well here is "permission" from a professional, Julie Hanks, to let the guilt go. Check both of these links out- they are spot on and empowering. It is something we need to hear more of.


Julie Hanks talks about her "confessions" as a multitasking mom on her blog.


And she has an interview that talks about the same thing. It is wonderful.


Sometimes we just need to hear from others that it is okay not to be perfect. We too often look at other's lives and think that they can do it all, so why can't we. It is never true. We all let go of something in order to do another thing. If I keep my house perfect then I am obviously going to be setting other things aside. No one is perfect we just all make our choices, we all have things that are important to us. This is "permission" to allow that to be people and not things. Let your spouse, kids, and friends be the most important. Not the sparkling floor and gleaming counters.  Not only take down your need to have a perfect house but release the guilt over not having it. Recognize that while certain things need to be done, I mean we all need clean clothes to wear, that it doesn't need to be spotless or perfect. Who feels comfortable in those houses anyhow. You want a place you can feel at home, not a museum. 


So release the guilt and start to more fully enjoy your life.