Anxious much?

Not everyone knows this but I have anxiety. Honestly it is a pain in the neck. Most of the time I'm just a worrier, like most Mom's. ;) 
I think the thing people don't understand about anxiety is that you can feel anxious for absolutely no reason. Sometime it is triggered by things, being sick or reading too many articles about the many bad things going on in the world. Very often though, there isn't a trigger. That is the worst part, you just feel anxious as though something bad were going to happen, even when everything is fine. 
The odd thing is that I'm a fairly rational person. If there is a crisis in the family I can usually handle it with no problem. If one of the kids gets sick I am able to take care of them and am usually able to easily distinguish between a sick kid that needs to see the dr and one that is ok to just stay home and recover. I work hard to give my kids freedom as they grow so they can learn responsibilty but I make sure that they are not in danger and that they have the physical and mental "tools" they need to deal with those freedoms. I can see that sheltering kids doesn't help them grow up in to healthy well adjusted adults. Kids have to be able to make choices and take responsibility. 
The point is that I work hard to stay rational despite my anxiety. 
I do however tend to over worry if someone is late coming home or aren't where they say they are going to be. I am always sure when I get sick or hurt that it is some deadly illness or injury. I allow my fear of dying and leaving my family behind to override rationality. 
I don't usually get panic attacks but I have had them. Usually when I am over worried about something. The horrible thing about panic attacks is that it can become a vicious cycle. If you have a panic attack somewhere or about something you can associate the attack with that thing, thought, or place. It makes people want to avoid those things. I have always worked really hard to make myself continue to live a full life. Face fear to a reasonable extent and push past fears and anxiety to enjoy my life. 
For those who have never experienced a panic attack (and trust me you don't want to) you feel as though your breathing is suddenly constricted, you heart races and all you can hear is the beating of your racing heart. You feel hot and sick. People who have never previously suffered from a panic attack often think they are having a heart attack the first time they have a panic attack. You can't think for the pounding in your head, and for me it often feels as though I am almost disassociated from my body. I have learned how to deal with them and get through them. I know that though I may feel like I'm dying that a panic attack can not kill me. I breathe through it, remind myself that I am fine and not dying. I try to think of all the good things in my life. Like I said it doesn't happen very often, I've only had a few times in my life where it had happened but they are horrible and I don't wish it upon anybody. 
Most people express surprise when they learn that I have anxiety. I'm glad that I am generally successful at leading a normal life, that I don't lock myself in my room, and that I dont come across as a highly anxious and high strung individual. ;) 

My point in blogging about this is that I am sure there are many people that know someone who deals with this or those of you that actually have anxiety. It isn't made up, I would LOVE to not be a worrier. I would love to not feel anxious for no reason. And I most certainly would love to never have another panic attack in my life. 
Like depression where telling the person to cheer up won't help, and will often make it worse (they already feel guilty and sad enough as it is) telling a person with anxiety not to worry won't help. Lars is wonderful and patient, though I know he doesn't fully understand what it is like. He tells me to let him do the worrying about me, I worry about and take care of everyone else, he can do it for me. It is very sweet. He always listens to my worry or complaint and then will often get me laughing about how silly it is. 

If you have anxiety you have my sympathy. If you are feeling overwhelmed by it know that it is something that can be controlled, it doesn't go away but life can still be "normal" and good, even with anxiety. Look on the bright side- most people with anxiety are usually very levelheaded in an emergency. As it was explained to me, we worry about everything enough beforehand that when something actually happens our minds have kind of already been prepared for it. ;) Be patient with your loved ones that don't have anxiety. They love you and I'm sure there are things they do or deal with that you don't fully understand. Listen to what they have to say, and lean on them when you need it. And remember, there is no shame in getting help when needed. You can feel more "normal". Life is good, we are here, we should enjoy it as much as we can. Live your life instead of fearing the world. 

If you know someone with anxiety. Be patient. They aren't trying to be annoying or anxious. You can help them though. You can listen to their fears, assure them of the good things, and of your desire to take care of them as they take care of you. And if it is serious, you can get them help so they can get back to real life. Get back to living rather than hiding from fears.

That is my more serious post. I may post about anxiety again from time to time but usually I try to take a light-hearted approach to it. When you have anxiety you already take too many things too seriously. You have to be able to joke as much as possible. Laughter is truly magical. 
Everyone would do well to rememeber that more. Enjoy life- the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are alive and there is so much to be happy about, sometimes it is harder to see that but the good things are always there. 

So though you may worry, remember to be happy too. 

Baby kicks

I've been feeling the baby move for weeks now. It starts out so subtle that you aren't even sure that is what you are feeling. Now, however, the baby's kicks are getting quite strong, I can even see the kicks at times. It is so fun. Unfortunately he seems to always be most active when no one else is around. Emma is dying to feel the baby kick but he always seems to be napping when the kids are around. (Or at least moving in ways that can't be felt from the outside.) I did find out that chocolate cake makes him really happy. :) My sister and I went and got a piece of the worlds best chocolate cake from Moochies the other day. Seriously this stuff is heavenly. So the baby had been pretty quiet that afternoon but a minute after I started eating my cake he was kicking like crazy. He kept at it while I was eating and settled down a minute or so after I finished. I'm afraid he's going to come out a chocolate addict.

Other things going on-

I am over halfway through the pregnancy now! (By a week- LOL)

I am getting ready to start the baby's quilt. I'll post pics throughout the project

We have a baby name!

I have actually made dinner almost every night this week! (Doesn't sound like much but it is an indication that I am feeling way better)

We are officially sick of winter at our house- everyone keeps asking when it will be spring. Poor Grandpa has a hard time with the cold, wet weather so I am really hoping for a respite from the cold for his sake. I know I should just be happy with each day and what it brings but I'd like to take walks without worrying about falling because someone didn't shovel properly.

One of rabbits looked like she was getting a tooth infection but happily we were able to help her through it and she is doing well. (She wasn't eating for a couple days and I had to put her on a soft food diet, which if she is on it too long can reek havoc on her digestive system) After a couple days though the swelling went away and she is now eating regularly. She is now living in the house again. She was a house bunny before but last February she decided to live outside with the other rabbits. (Literally she decided. She would always hop to the door to be let out but after that she never asked to come back in) I guess she had her adventure and is ready for the cushy life again.

I'm so glad that Monday is a day off for everyone. LOVE long weekends. I just wish we could go somewhere but even though it is a long weekend it is still too short for much of a trip. Hopefully we get some stuff done around the house at least.

I'm dreaming of Disneyland- as always. Wish we could take a trip, but it will probably be awhile before we do. *sigh* I know many people don't fully understand my addiction but it is just where I belong. ;)

I guess I've kind of resigned myself to living in Salt Lake forever. I still hope to move somewhere new someday but I will do my best to just be happy where I am. It isn't that Salt Lake is all that bad, I just love other places more. Maybe if I was an avid skier, or a skier at all, I would feel differently. But to me it is too hot in the summer and the winter is too long. Even if the summer didn't get as hot as it does I would probably like it more but it seems unfair to have both the extreme cold and extreme hot. I do love the spring and fall! We shall see what the future brings but for now I will find things to love about Salt Lake City and will be happy. I am happy, I have many things to be happy about, I just long for adventure. :)

That's all for now folks. Until next time...please shovel your walks! ;)

A little late but here are some Christmas photos

The present he REALLY wanted! A pokemon DS game. Unfortunately his DS stopped working
and we had to send it in for repairs. Poor guy hasn't been able to play the game yet. ;)

Oscar and his new camera

Excitement over something star wars Henry gave him

Lou and all her accessories

More Pokemon

Lilli and another one of her silly faces. :)

A new doll! Santa must have known she was getting it because he brought a new stroller for the doll.

The kids in their new PJs :) They look like they get along but this was in between
Oscar and Henry fighting about who's taking up who's space. ;) 

The tiebreaker- It's a...

BOY

Crazy 3D picture of the baby sucking his thumb

We went today to Millcreek Imaging to get our ultrasound. This place was awesome. The ultrasound tech took us back and did the most thorough detailed ultrasound we've ever had. She also made us a cd with the pictures and a dvd of the whole ultrasound. If you ever need any type of medical imaging done I highly recommend this place. She let the kids take turns using the ultrasound "wand" (for lack of the actual term). That was really fun. 

Anyhow, our baby boy is perfect and it is always such a fun time to get to see the baby, watch him move, and know that all is well. Emma was a little disappointed at first that the baby isn't a girl but she is still very excited and has already gotten over her disappointment. Lilli was happy, she had told me last week that the baby is a boy so she wasn't surprised at all. She just knew. I guess kids intuition really is amazing. The boys are excited to have another brother and that girls are now outnumbered at our house. I was just amazed that our pattern continues. Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy. CRAZY! Emma is sure if we have another one it will be a girl since the pattern has stayed the same but I pointed out there is a 50/50 chance it would be yet another brother and I would like to get through this pregnancy before I decide wether or not we should have another. ;)

NOW I can do some baby shopping and also make a quilt. SO excited! :) 

Baked Oatmeal

This is so delicious! The kids eat it, even the ones that claim to dislike oatmeal. I've never been a big oatmeal fan myself, I always thought it was too mushy. This bakes up perfect, and tastes reminiscent of an oatmeal cookie/bar.

Baked oatmeal-

6 eggs
3 1/4 cup milk
1 cup oil (vegetable, canola, or it is really good with coconut oil)
1/2 cup maple syrup (the real stuff! You can substitute 3/4 cup of apple juice concentrate, undiluted)
5 tsps cinnamon
4 tsps baking powder
6 cups rolled oats (can use quick oats, see note below)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts, pecans, or almonds
Optional: 1/2 cup raisins, or other dried fruit or chopped fresh apples

1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon

Grease 9X13 pan
In mixer with whisk attachment or a large bowl with hand mixer, whip eggs, maple syrup (or apple juice concentrate) milk, and oil, whisk until foamy.

Add cinnamon, baking powder, and oatmeal, stir until well mixed. Add nuts and any other add-ins desired. Stir in and mix well.

Mix the 1/2 cup brown sugar and 1 tsp cinnamon together.

*If making oatmeal with quick oats, pour in pan, sprinkle with the brown sugar mixture and let sit for 15 minutes while oven heats up.  Bake 40 minutes at 350.

** If using rolled oats, pour into pan, sprinkle with brown sugar and cover and let sit in fridge overnight. Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes. ( I think this way is better because you can prepare it ahead of time and I think the oats turn out better)

It is really good topped with yogurt or if you are a little naughty with some whipped cream ;)

Enjoy!

Not much

So one of my goals is to journal/blog more. So here I am. Not much is happening though. It has been a nice quiet week so far. I LOVE it. I LOVE not working again. I love feeling better and this part of pregnancy.

I think the kids are going a little crazy with the calmness of our lives after all the excitement of the holidays. At least we are back into some semblance of a schedule.
Oscar and Emma have been arguing like crazy though. This isn't a new phenomenon but it seems like they've kicked it up a notch this week. AND they fight about the silliest things. On the list yesterday was when was the last time Oscar made nachos, whether or not we need to have something planned every night, and if Oscar is helping Henry with his homework the right way. The last one was the most valid out of all of them but even then it was so silly. ;) I don't think they even realize they are arguing half the time. It almost makes me laugh, and sometimes I do end up actually laughing out loud at the silliness of their arguments. Gotta love having 2 hormone-filled teens in the house. (I think 12 counts as a teen...it is still full of ups and downs with the emotions.)

I have a favorite breakfast right now. It is baked oatmeal and is so much better than mushy stove or microwave cooked oatmeal. I'll post the recipe following this post. I'm still tired a lot and though I want to get up and make breakfast for my family I don't always get up early enough. This meal is perfect because you do most of the work the night before. You throw it all together, let it sit in the fridge overnight, and then pop it in the oven for 20 mins in the morning. Plus it is pretty healthy but still really delicious. Almost tastes like an oatmeal cookie.

Have I told anyone out there lately that I hate cars. They are such money-suckers! It seems like we finally get both of ours up and running perfectly and then 5 minutes later one of them needs something else fixed. And that isn't even counting all the money we literally pour into the cars in the form of gasoline. I think I'll move somewhere it doesn't get below 50 so I can just walk or ride my bike everywhere. (Sounds like a good plan anyhow) :)

3 more days until the big ultrasound. Lilli told me yesterday she thinks the baby is a boy so we shall see. Kids are amazingly intuitive at times so it'll be fun to see if she is right. She loves to talk to the baby now that my belly is getting bigger. She'll come up and just pat my tummy and say "Hi baby!" and then runs off and play. It is so cute. She talks about how she'll be a good babysitter to the baby. Ummmm.....well...at least I know she wants to help. Maybe a little too much but it will be fun anyhow. The other kids are still excited but they've all been through this before and for the most part kinda forget about it in the day to day of life. They are all excited to find out what we are having though so everyone cross your fingers that we can find out! ~Baby don't be shy just this once~ ;)

I love watching my kids grow up but sometimes I long for the days when they were little. We used to have such fun just hanging out in the yard, going to the park, and just playing. They get big and though they still like to hang out they don't "play" as much. I miss those days. That's why I may never stop having kids. ;) (Okay okay, I'm just kidding, I will stop but it is a very melancholy thought) I have to learn how to have fun with my teenagers more though. Take the time to find the things we can do and create memories of these years too. I sure love my kids! They are so fun, so smart, and so amazing. I don't want to miss a second of their lives.

On a more selfish note, I really need to find a cute maternity dress that isn't too short. You wouldn't think that is hard to find but it is. Why do pregnant women want to show off so much of their bodies?! I saw a couple really cute dresses but they are pretty pricey for something I'll wear for less than 6 months. Check them out here and here though...totally cute, classy, not frumpy and yet not showing off more of my body than I think the world needs to see. ;) They have really cute non-maternity dress too. Hopefully I can track down something cute for half the price. Wish me luck!

That's about it for now-I am looking forward to this new year. Of course the anticipation of the new baby makes it that much more exciting! I love being pregnant but I still just can't wait to hold my new little one in my arms. There aren't many things that feel as close to heaven on earth as holding a brand new baby. They may not do a lot when they are little but they let you learn to love completely and unconditionally. Can't wait!

2011

Baby belly 18 weeks

It's a new year and time for goals, resolutions, etc. Usually I would say to lose weight but since I'm expecting a baby that isn't the best goal, at least not for the first half of the year. ;)

There are some things I would like to do this year, my to do/goal list. Nothing all to exciting. The normal things...get out of debt, spend more fun time with the family, eat better...things like that. Other things I want to get done, organize the basement, rearrange/decorate the kids rooms, get ready for the baby. 

Nothing amazing, nothing outrageous. Just the normal stuff we so often seem to be working on. 

I am itching to go on vacation. I know, it does sort of contradict the getting out of debt. I think it is winter that does it to me though. I get cabin fever and just want a change of scenery. We were supposed to go to Seattle this April but I'll be 35 weeks pregnant and don't really want to drive 12 hours and then walk around the city all day, for 5 or 6 days. We'll have to put it off for a little while. I am planning on a girls weekend with a few of my very good friends and also another one with my sisters and niece at the end of April. (Yes I'll be almost 36 weeks but it is close to home and I'll be wanting something to do to take my mind off of my hugeness and impatience to have the baby) :)

I want fresh fruits and veggies. This happens to me when I'm pregnant and it is usually in the winter when they aren't in season at all. So then I end up eating chocolate, and too much of it. 

Thank goodness I am feeling like eating again though. The worst part of the pregnancy is over and I am entering the fun stuff. Getting a big belly, feeling the baby move, and next week we have our ultrasound and *hopefully* we'll be able to find out if the little one is a boy or girl. Put your votes in now. I keep saying girl but find myself saying "him" when I talk about the baby. Is it a "premonition" or just a slip of the tongue? We shall see, either next week or in another 20 weeks. 

Also new at our house...I quit my job. I was planning on quitting once the baby came but it looks like my Mom, who is my direct boss, will be out having knee replacement soon so I thought I'd just bail early and work on things at home I want to get done before the baby comes. I did enjoy the work and am really going to miss a lot of the people that I've known for the past few years now, but it's time to move on and hopefully I'll be able to keep in touch with many of them. (There's always Facebook....lol)

Now that I'm feeling better I have the baking "bug". I want to bake and try new recipes. It is especially dangerous now that I'm not working because I was always able to take the extras to work so I didn't end up eating to many of them. (My co-workers were always willing participants) Now if I bake I am going to end up with lots of leftovers and find myself grazing upon them throughout the day, and consequently becoming as big as a house. ;) Guess its just time to just start selling my stuff.

Everyone goes back to school tomorrow so I'm hoping to get some cleaning and organizing done. Wish me luck ;) Happy new year all!