Since I’ve been married the internet has come so far. It has changed, morphed with us really, as we learned the many things it could do for us, or that we could do with it. When I first started it was awesome because of email, I could keep in touch with my family in another state.
Then there was the “make your own webpage” craze. Everyone had one. You put pictures of your family up and updated it every once in awhile. Next, I discovered places you could go to chat with people that had something in common with you; for me, this was kids. There was the parents of September 1997 babies, parents of closely spaced siblings, etc. At the time, this was a lifesaver for me. I could go to these message boards and feel connected with people, understood by someone. For me that was important. I didn’t really know anyone in Salt Lake City at the time and I found it difficult to make friends. For one thing, I was a mom, people assume you are busy with that and don’t need friends. For another thing, it seemed as though everyone already had their circle of friends, people they had known forever.
I needed friendship. Yes, I had Lars and he was wonderful, but I needed something beyond the house. I thought I was being selfish at the time, that perhaps there was something wrong with me. Then I found these groups online and I realized I was just like every other mother out there. We are humans and we are not made to be isolated, we do not thrive that way, or at least I don’t.
Eventually I made friends; I learned how to be a mother, a wife, and myself. I learned the importance of each of those, that they are all me but I needed to indulge and cultivate each of those parts of me individually at times. Most of my life is spent with them melded together but it is good for my soul to be just me for a couple hours, I am still Mom and they are my priority, but for the sake of us all I have to have to be me, to learn, to do. I also need times when my whole heart and soul is being a Mom, and times when I have to concentrate on my relationship, my marriage. It sounds like a lot but it really isn’t. It makes my life so complete, and in turn makes me a much better wife, a much better mother, and a much happier me.
Nowadays, the internet seems to consume my life at times. I bank, I shop, I even order food. Who knew really? However, this brings me to the world of blogging, something I swore I wouldn’t do. Finally, I caved, my sister had one, my friends had one, and they all wanted to see what was going on in my world too. So one night I just did it, I set up my blog and I typed. WOW! I’ve always enjoyed writing but this was cathartic. It filled something in me I didn’t know needed filling. It is addicting at times, though so hard to make the time to do it. Not to mention the fact that sometimes you feel a little silly sending your thoughts out there… out into the world of blogging, through the internet into others homes, onto their screens, and into their minds. What can I have to say that is worth anyone else’s time? Maybe nothing, maybe no one reads much of it, and you know what? That is okay too. It is enough for me just to write, as mediocre as it may be, it’s one of those things I do for me. I don’t always blog about my kids, it is kind of about my life, which is so much my kids, so much my husband, but also so much me. So here is to my family and to my random thoughts…enjoy them or not, I just enjoy putting them out there.
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