I posted about my scandalous affair once (with food) but have I told you about my fine romance?
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| He's a goofball and I love him! |
Love...True love...
Marriage, it is an amazing crazy thing. And I think our society has an odd view of love and marriage. We kind of think about it all backwards. You have your ups and downs in a marriage. You have your good and your bad. How can you not, you are dealing with two flawed human beings, meshing their lives, thoughts, and actions. It is not going to be perfect. It can, however, be happy, even with the bad. You have to be unselfish, forgiving, and willing to overlook their imperfections as they overlook yours.
I often think about arranged marriages. I have talked to people that have personally dealt with arranged marriages. In fact I was talking with a friend the other day and she related a story to me. Her friend's parents had an arranged marriage. So she asked her friend "But do your parents love each other?" Her friend replied "Of course they do!"
It is like the song in Fiddler on the Roof. "Do you love me" He asks her, "Do you love me" Her reply is that after everything they've been through, how she has worked with him, been with him through the good and the bad, raised kids together, lived together, how can he ask. She says "If that's not love, what is?" And that is true love. It is unselfish and forgiving. Both people have to be willing to be unselfish and forgiving, and obviously if forgiveness is needed then you aren't going to be perfect at the unselfish part, but you love each other and want to make it work.
What I've found is this...Lars is wonderful. He can drive me crazy, make me laugh, make me cry (not on purpose, don't get the wrong idea) As I've said before though, he "gets me" in a way no one else can. I can't imagine anyone else understanding me the way he does. And he is so forgiving of my flaws and mistakes. I have thought about the "What ifs". What if something happened to him? Would I remarry? (This is something you talk about when you are married.) What would I do? The truth is I have a hard time seeing it. I simply cannot imagine myself with anyone else, no matter how crazy he makes me ;)
I was young when we got married, and young when we started having kids. I wouldn't change a thing though. I knew I wanted to marry this man. I knew I wanted to spend forever with him, my life and beyond. Still do.
It isn't always easy though, marriage. It is always worth it to choose to work it out, when both of you are of that same mind; to make the marriage happy. To make each other happy. You may not always succeed short-term, you will make mistakes but overall you can make a happy marriage.
The fact that we are friends, as well as husband & wife, helps. Makes it even more worth it. The fact that every time we go through a hard or bad time, we talk it out and help each other, and we come through stronger, that makes it worth it too. Every time it seems we take a step back we take leaps and bounds ahead to make up for it. And when he looks at me, he doesn't see the over-tired, over-weight mom of 4. He sees me, the real me. He thinks I am beautiful and wonderful still. That is true love. And I feel the same way about him. He is handsome, sweet, and cute. Always will be.
We laugh, love, grumble, mumble, and grow together. Through it all there is an underlying foundation of love and friendship. That is what true love and marriage are about. And every time he does something sweet with the kids, like snuggling them in bed, reading them a story, or helping them patiently with homework, it melts my heart. When he comes in the kitchen at dinner time and asks what he can do to help, it makes me weak in the knees. And when he asks me, still after almost 14 years together, if I'll go on a date with him on Friday, it gives me butterflies in my stomach. That right there is true love.
And all of that is what makes a fine romance.
