Anxious much?

Not everyone knows this but I have anxiety. Honestly it is a pain in the neck. Most of the time I'm just a worrier, like most Mom's. ;) 
I think the thing people don't understand about anxiety is that you can feel anxious for absolutely no reason. Sometime it is triggered by things, being sick or reading too many articles about the many bad things going on in the world. Very often though, there isn't a trigger. That is the worst part, you just feel anxious as though something bad were going to happen, even when everything is fine. 
The odd thing is that I'm a fairly rational person. If there is a crisis in the family I can usually handle it with no problem. If one of the kids gets sick I am able to take care of them and am usually able to easily distinguish between a sick kid that needs to see the dr and one that is ok to just stay home and recover. I work hard to give my kids freedom as they grow so they can learn responsibilty but I make sure that they are not in danger and that they have the physical and mental "tools" they need to deal with those freedoms. I can see that sheltering kids doesn't help them grow up in to healthy well adjusted adults. Kids have to be able to make choices and take responsibility. 
The point is that I work hard to stay rational despite my anxiety. 
I do however tend to over worry if someone is late coming home or aren't where they say they are going to be. I am always sure when I get sick or hurt that it is some deadly illness or injury. I allow my fear of dying and leaving my family behind to override rationality. 
I don't usually get panic attacks but I have had them. Usually when I am over worried about something. The horrible thing about panic attacks is that it can become a vicious cycle. If you have a panic attack somewhere or about something you can associate the attack with that thing, thought, or place. It makes people want to avoid those things. I have always worked really hard to make myself continue to live a full life. Face fear to a reasonable extent and push past fears and anxiety to enjoy my life. 
For those who have never experienced a panic attack (and trust me you don't want to) you feel as though your breathing is suddenly constricted, you heart races and all you can hear is the beating of your racing heart. You feel hot and sick. People who have never previously suffered from a panic attack often think they are having a heart attack the first time they have a panic attack. You can't think for the pounding in your head, and for me it often feels as though I am almost disassociated from my body. I have learned how to deal with them and get through them. I know that though I may feel like I'm dying that a panic attack can not kill me. I breathe through it, remind myself that I am fine and not dying. I try to think of all the good things in my life. Like I said it doesn't happen very often, I've only had a few times in my life where it had happened but they are horrible and I don't wish it upon anybody. 
Most people express surprise when they learn that I have anxiety. I'm glad that I am generally successful at leading a normal life, that I don't lock myself in my room, and that I dont come across as a highly anxious and high strung individual. ;) 

My point in blogging about this is that I am sure there are many people that know someone who deals with this or those of you that actually have anxiety. It isn't made up, I would LOVE to not be a worrier. I would love to not feel anxious for no reason. And I most certainly would love to never have another panic attack in my life. 
Like depression where telling the person to cheer up won't help, and will often make it worse (they already feel guilty and sad enough as it is) telling a person with anxiety not to worry won't help. Lars is wonderful and patient, though I know he doesn't fully understand what it is like. He tells me to let him do the worrying about me, I worry about and take care of everyone else, he can do it for me. It is very sweet. He always listens to my worry or complaint and then will often get me laughing about how silly it is. 

If you have anxiety you have my sympathy. If you are feeling overwhelmed by it know that it is something that can be controlled, it doesn't go away but life can still be "normal" and good, even with anxiety. Look on the bright side- most people with anxiety are usually very levelheaded in an emergency. As it was explained to me, we worry about everything enough beforehand that when something actually happens our minds have kind of already been prepared for it. ;) Be patient with your loved ones that don't have anxiety. They love you and I'm sure there are things they do or deal with that you don't fully understand. Listen to what they have to say, and lean on them when you need it. And remember, there is no shame in getting help when needed. You can feel more "normal". Life is good, we are here, we should enjoy it as much as we can. Live your life instead of fearing the world. 

If you know someone with anxiety. Be patient. They aren't trying to be annoying or anxious. You can help them though. You can listen to their fears, assure them of the good things, and of your desire to take care of them as they take care of you. And if it is serious, you can get them help so they can get back to real life. Get back to living rather than hiding from fears.

That is my more serious post. I may post about anxiety again from time to time but usually I try to take a light-hearted approach to it. When you have anxiety you already take too many things too seriously. You have to be able to joke as much as possible. Laughter is truly magical. 
Everyone would do well to rememeber that more. Enjoy life- the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are alive and there is so much to be happy about, sometimes it is harder to see that but the good things are always there. 

So though you may worry, remember to be happy too.