With misplaced feelings it really means what it implies; to apply a feeling to the wrong person, idea, or situation. I wish I could misplace my feelings in the other sense sometimes; if I could just "lose" my anxiety, anger, or sadness that would be convenient at times.
In this case I was feeling sorry for myself for the wrong thing. Let me first just say, I had a bout of anxiety tonight and couldn't sleep after, so this post may or may not make sense. So here it goes, for now, it may be edited later.
Tonight we had a get together with Lars' high school friends. When Lars and I were dating, and in the earlier years of marriage, I didn't always feel comfortable or really a part of the group. I felt like an intruder or someone on the outside looking in; I felt displaced. That was hard for me, I've always been able to integrate myself in most any group easily. It wasn't that anyone was unkind or ever did anything to purposely make me feel that way, in fact we were quite close with one of the couples and everyone else was always kind. It came a lot from my own insecurities, from often being on the outside of reminiscing, and from really feeling quite homeless after transplanting from a different state and leaving my family behind.
Over the years I have felt more a part of the group, usually. I have also grown as an individual, as well as Lars and I growing as a couple and family and becoming "The Andersen's" and not just Lars' family.
So now you have some backstory, and like I said, tonight we had a get together with them. Most everyone finished having kids about 5 years ago, just as we thought we were done... before Sam let us know he wanted to be part of our family. Because of this they can easily chat and visit while the kids wander and play, without too many interruptions. Lars and I have a baby, a toddler really. That means at least one of us has to be up following him, helping him, or just generally keeping him safe. It is really a 24/7 job with some naps thrown in. :) So while everyone visited I chased Sam, who really is an amazing ball of energy, he does not sit still too often, and if he does it doesn't last long. At some point in the evening I started to feel sorry for myself, Lars did take turns following Sam but often Sam just wanted mama. I felt sad that I was missing out on the conversations, sad that I was left out, through no ones fault, but left out nonetheless. I was a little put out that they had all seemingly forgotten what it was like to have a baby/toddler.
Late tonight as I lay in bed with Sam as he was falling asleep I realized...I would be more sorry if I missed out on those moments with my baby. I'll have many many years of friend gathering, but just a few short years of my baby being little. It won't be long before he, like my other kids and all the other kids at the gathering, is off playing happily and safely on his own. He won't need more than occasional checking on, and even that doesn't last forever. So I'm choosing to cherish the moments, and few short years, I have to chase, wander with, and play with my baby. I love talking and sharing ideas and thoughts with other adults, but to everything there is a season. Right now is the very short season of my last baby's toddlerhood. I won't be sorry I was present and attentive during this time, I would, however, be sorry if I missed it.
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